Giving up Sport and Booze
When I found out I was pregnant, it was mixed emotions. My Mother in law was moments away from her final breath, and it was an emotionally loaded time. I felt like this unborn child might save his family (and me) from some of the devastation in a little way, but it also felt like an enormous crying shame.. peppered with regret and sadness.
More on how that all went down another time. Heavy.
But this is about how my baby is half way cooked and how I am "dealing" with the changes in me, my behaviour, and really my whole life.
If you know me, you know I own a sports company, I am super active, and a LOVE to drink. That's me in a nutshell. I mean I am dominant, persuasive, hard to argue with and emotionally tough, but I am mostly the first 3 things.
Bring pregnant I have had to give up my two main identifying qualities, and as I dissect the sub text, I wonder if this identity crisis is what lies beneath some feelings of anxiety.
Sport.
Although I'm not good at sport, I play it 4-5 times a week. It's my cardio, my fitness, my outlet. Having to stop playing, even in a social environment has left me...
Starved for variety
Lacking motivation
Re-evaluating my fitness options
Feeling unmotivated
Frustrated and jealous of others
Feeling incompetent and week (trigger, trigger)
It's ugly. But as is me, I spend about 30 seconds in victim mode, before I swiftly shift to the steps I need to take to fix this. The silver lining. The reaction into action. I have signed up to a 30 day pregnancy fitness program *moans at how pathetic and boring this sounds* and I am going to have to remember that taking it easy is the new version of me.
Booze.
A few sessions with my therapist in 2017 already put me on a step to question my relationship with alcohol. I tool a month off in October and it was a STRUGGLE, but I did it... kind of. It was about 3 weeks, but the gesture was there.
This time you've caught me into my 5th month of sobriety and although the struggle was real for the first few months. (Lets say I complained for the whole period of Jan-Feb). I am finally settled into this place of clear skin, clear mind, long days, and constant knowing.
I must say, I like it. My friends have been so supportive, which is a surprise, because if the tables were turned, I would have swiftly removed them from rotation. #lessonsfrompregnancy They can see a change in my personality, I am less bubbly after midnight, I am quite level headed during arguments, and I have less enthusiasm to make everyone think the same way I do. It's humbling actually. I have grown. I feel like I am a more empathetic, understanding person.
I guess this is growing up. (Title of "my book" for 2017).
So in summary. Turns out stripping your identity back is a little life lesson. I am thrilled. Nothing I love more than learning. I am complex and simple all at the one time. I am another 4-5 months away from changing again when this gal pops out. But I feel confident in what the next 5 months holds for me. The renewed sense of planning, accomplishment, and simple choices excites me.
More on how that all went down another time. Heavy.
But this is about how my baby is half way cooked and how I am "dealing" with the changes in me, my behaviour, and really my whole life.
If you know me, you know I own a sports company, I am super active, and a LOVE to drink. That's me in a nutshell. I mean I am dominant, persuasive, hard to argue with and emotionally tough, but I am mostly the first 3 things.
Bring pregnant I have had to give up my two main identifying qualities, and as I dissect the sub text, I wonder if this identity crisis is what lies beneath some feelings of anxiety.
Sport.
Although I'm not good at sport, I play it 4-5 times a week. It's my cardio, my fitness, my outlet. Having to stop playing, even in a social environment has left me...
Starved for variety
Lacking motivation
Re-evaluating my fitness options
Feeling unmotivated
Frustrated and jealous of others
Feeling incompetent and week (trigger, trigger)
It's ugly. But as is me, I spend about 30 seconds in victim mode, before I swiftly shift to the steps I need to take to fix this. The silver lining. The reaction into action. I have signed up to a 30 day pregnancy fitness program *moans at how pathetic and boring this sounds* and I am going to have to remember that taking it easy is the new version of me.
Booze.
A few sessions with my therapist in 2017 already put me on a step to question my relationship with alcohol. I tool a month off in October and it was a STRUGGLE, but I did it... kind of. It was about 3 weeks, but the gesture was there.
This time you've caught me into my 5th month of sobriety and although the struggle was real for the first few months. (Lets say I complained for the whole period of Jan-Feb). I am finally settled into this place of clear skin, clear mind, long days, and constant knowing.
I must say, I like it. My friends have been so supportive, which is a surprise, because if the tables were turned, I would have swiftly removed them from rotation. #lessonsfrompregnancy They can see a change in my personality, I am less bubbly after midnight, I am quite level headed during arguments, and I have less enthusiasm to make everyone think the same way I do. It's humbling actually. I have grown. I feel like I am a more empathetic, understanding person.
I guess this is growing up. (Title of "my book" for 2017).
So in summary. Turns out stripping your identity back is a little life lesson. I am thrilled. Nothing I love more than learning. I am complex and simple all at the one time. I am another 4-5 months away from changing again when this gal pops out. But I feel confident in what the next 5 months holds for me. The renewed sense of planning, accomplishment, and simple choices excites me.
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